Conflict Can Be a Tool For Good

Over this week through our discussion of the family, in my class, we learned about the importance of managing conflict in a healthy way and how this can benefit the marriage and not detract. I found it interesting when we talked about the importance of not discussing marriage problems and conflicts with friends outside of marriage. It is important and helpful to receive help, but there are certain situations when conflicts should not be discussed with friends, but with your spouse.  

Conflict is a part of life, it happens! I argue with my siblings over silly things and even my parents get frustrated over something that the other does. Conflict does happen. It would be impossible to completely ignore it. From my experiences, people look at conflict as a bad thing, as something to be avoided. I did not know that there were good ways to handle conflict and I learned some ways of dealing with it that I had never thought about. I know that I don’t like conflict. It makes me uncomfortable and I always try to avoid it or to help things to settle down. However, as my class discussed contention I was able to better understand why it is important to not fear conflict, but to know that there are good ways of solving conflict as well as unhelpful ways of working through it. 

Having and communicating with friends is a good thing and healthy for us as humans, however, when it comes to marriage it is not in the best interest of said marriage for the couple to discuss their conflicts with their friends, especially with friends of the opposite gender. While everyone needs moral support, when an issue or frustration arises inside of marriage the best thing is for the couple to listen to each other and work it out together. If they go to their friends or parents a danger may be that they are not learning how to work together to solve their problems, and will not be able to deal with problems in the future. 

When a spouse discusses in depth the problems and frustrations with a friend, especially with a friend of the opposite gender, they are putting in the work they need to solve the issue with someone who is not their spouse. As they do this they are comforted and they see that their friend does not do the thing that is bothering them and because they become closer over these conversations they can possibly find themselves in the middle of an affair. They end up doing things that they never thought they would do because they did not take care of the conflict in a way that would help the marriage, but instead in a way that put it in even more danger. 

Something interesting is that sometimes parents should argue in front of their kids to teach their kids by example good ways of working through conflict because they will have issues that they will have to work out in their future. I found it very interesting that by doing this we have the opportunity to help children understand that conflict is not this horrible monster that should be kept in the closet at all times, but instead showing them how we handle conflict, and helping them understand that they can learn healthy ways of dealing with conflict.

Conflict can be a good thing. It can help us realize what we are not saying and communicate it, but for this to be the case we have to use it as a tool for peace and not a tool to prove who is right and who is wrong. If we go into a conflict with that kind of argumentative attitude we will always come out the one who is in the wrong. Hopefully by being more aware of the good and bad of arguments can cause. Knowing will help us all to do better.